Update 10/14/2026 - HORMUSSY BROS WE'RE SO BACK A 2,500-CONTAINER VESSEL IS NOW AN UNDERWATER REEF THANKS TO PROPERLY PLANTED SURPRISE MINE FOR TRYING TO RUN AN UNAUTHORISED ROUTE RIGHT THROUGH THE WORLD'S MOST EXCLUSIVE, TIGHTLY CLAMPED ORIFICE ABSOLUTELY NOT JUST A FEW MORE WEEKS UNTIL JUDGEMENT DAY CAN'T WAIT TO READ THE FEEDBACK CARDS ON THE EXPERIENCE WHILE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!

Update 09/06/2026 - LOOK AT US NOW FOLX WHILE GOYSLUGS PAY RECORD HIGH RETAIL PRICES AT THE PUMP WITH DIESEL SMASHING RECORDS TO HIT AN AVERAGE OF FIVE EIGHTY FIVE A GALLON, CENTCLOWNS ARE STILL CRYING OVER GETTING THEIR LITTLE NAVY ASSETS DEEP-FRIED AFTER THE IRGC RETURNED VENGEANCE STRAIT INTO US NAVY LAUNDROMATS AND PERMANENTLY DISABLED MULTIPLE TANKERS FOR TRYING TO PLAY FAST AND LOOSE WITH THE APEX PREDATOR OF WATERWAYS! KEEP BRAGGING ABOUT YOUR VIRTUAL ESCORTS WHILE DOMESTIC PUMP PRICES CLIMB HIGHER THAN A DESPERATE ADMIRAL'S BLOOD PRESSURE AND EVERY ATTEMPT TO SLIDE PAST THE GUARD'S RAILS ENDS IN AN ABSOLUTE SMOKEFEST BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MUCH COPIUM DEEP-STATE PUMP-JOCKEYS SNORT THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!

Update 09/01/2026 - AS YET ANOTHER MONTH BEGINS THE DEPARTMENT OF WAR CRIMINALS GLORIOUS SAFE AND OPEN SOUTHERN CORRIDOR GOT A LITTLE TOO EXCITED OVERNIGHT WHEN TWO SUPERTANKERS GOT DEEPLY PENETRATED BY MYSTERIOUS UNSCHEDULED PROJECTILES AND THEIR CARGO HOLDS FILLED WITH HUMBLE PIE RIGHT AS THEY TRIED TO SNEAK OUT OF THE ULTRA-TIGHT HORMUSSY GO FIGURE THAT TRYING TO SLIDE STRAIT THROUGH AIN'T SO EASY WHEN THE HORMUSSY DECIDES TO CLAMP DOWN HARDER THAN A PANICKED ZBT THREATENING MORE STRIKES KEEP PUMPING OUT THOSE DESPERATE SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS ABOUT SWEPT LANES WHILE UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECTS KEEP NUTTING EXPLOSIVES ON FOOLISHLY OPTIMISTIC VLCCS WHILE EVERY SINGLE DREAM OF OPEN WATERS GOES UP IN SMOKE BECAUSE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!

Update 08/31/2026 - WELL WELL WELL LOOKS LIKE CENTCOM DECIDED TO WAKE UP FROM THEIR MONTH-LONG NAP TO DROP SOME BOMBS ON LARAK ISLAND THINKING THEY COULD SNEAK A FAST ONE INTO THAT WET AND WILD HORMUSSY ONLY TO GET A FIERY TASTE OF RETALIATION STRAIGHT FROM THE IRGC IN THE FORM OF BALLISTIC MISSILES FLYING HIGH AND DEEP INTO JORDANIAN BASES LOL KEEP TELLING YOURSELVES THE WATERWAY IS CLEAR WHILE UNKNOWN PROJECTITES KEEP MASSAGING THE HULLS OF BLINDLY OPTIMISTIC TANKERS AND TRAFFIC REMAINS DRIED UP TIGHTER THAN A DRUM BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MANY FRANTIC PRESS RELEASES COFFEE-SHOP ADMIRALS PUMP OUT THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!! 

Update 08/29/2026 - CENTCOM CLOWNS ARE NOW CELEBRATING THEIR GLORIOUS "MINE-FREE" MILESTONE LIKE FINDING ALL THE EASTER EGGS IN A BADLY CODED MOBILE GAME WHILE FORGETTING THAT THE ACTUAL HORMUSSY DOESN'T RUN ON ADMIRAL COOPER'S DESPERATE PRESS RELEASES KEEP YAPPING ABOUT SWEPT LANES AND VIRTUAL ESCORTS WHILE THE TRAFFIC COUNTS STAY LOWER THAN A CENTCOM COMMANDER'S IQ SCORE AND THE ONLY THING GETTING SWEPT IS MORE ZIO-BOOMER COPIUM UNDER THE RUG BECAUSE UNTIL THE END OF TIME... THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/28/2026 - SIX MONTHS TO THE DAY LATER AND ZIO BOOMTARDS ARE NO CLOSER TO A WIN NO REGIME CHANGE NO URANIUM NO OIL NO HOPE AND THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/25/2026 - SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT POST WHATEVER YOU WANT BELIEVE WHATEVER YOU WANT REGARDLESS THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/21/2026 - THE ONLY ECONOMIC D-DAY BESSENT IS CAPABLE OF IS PAYING TOO MUCH FOR AN EXPENSIVE TWINK ON THE TAXPAYER DIME BUTT OF COURSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY HE'S GOING TO BE PUMPING ANY OIL OUT OF ANY ORIFICE EITHER WAY BECAUSE THE HORMUSSY IS STRAIT AND THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/20/2026 - DID YOU KNOW THE US NAVY HAS ESCORTED SIX MILLION BOATS THROUGH THE HORMUSSY WITH A COMBINED TOTAL OF SIX GORILLIAN BARRELS OF OIL EVERY SINGLE HOUR OF EVERY SINGLE DAY HAHA JUST KIDDING NO MATTER WHAT LYING LIARS AT THE FAKE NEWS SAY THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/18/2026 - TRUMPCUCKS SAY THEY ARE NOW READY TO PLAY THE LONG GAME WITH THE HORMUSSY KNOW WHY CAUSE THEY LOST THE SHORT GAME LOL GOOD LUCK WITH THAT WHILE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/17/2026 - HAPPY MOU EXPIRATION DAY WHILE IN THE END THERE WAS NO DEAL PERHAPS THE REAL DEAL WAS ALL THE FAILURES THE UNITED STATES OF ZION EXPERIENCED ALONG THE WAY - LET'S RECAP WHERE WE STAND - HIGHLY ENRICHED URANIUM STATUS - SECURE ENRICHING AND GLOWING, NUCLEAR PROGRAM STATUS - TWO MORE WEEKS, DRONES AND MISSILES STATUS - RECORD PRODUCTION STOCKED AND LOCKED, AYATOLLAH STATUS - STILL KHAMENEI, USZ MIDDLE EAST BASE STATUS - BTFO, GULF ALLY STATUS - PIDDED AND SHIDDED THEIR DRESSES, NINE ELEVEN TERRORIST ARAMCO STATUS - SHUT DOWN, FROZEN ASSET STATUS - DELIVERED BY UAE,  USZ MILITARY MORAL STATUS - JUMPING OVERBOARD, GOYIM SOLDIER STATUS - REBELLING AGAINST THEIR MASTERS, GAS PRICE STATUS - OVER FOUR DOLLARS,  DIESEL PRICE STATUS - OVER FIVE DOLLARS, SPR STATUS - ALMOST EMPTY, ZIO BOOMER TRAITOR CULT STATUS - PATHETICALLY DELUSIONAL AND TRAITOROUS,  AND OF COURSE... HORMUSSY STATUS - THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!! 😂

Update 08/14/2026 - LOL NO THE UAE ABSOLUTELY DID NOT GIVE HORMUSSY ANY GOLD (THEY DID) NO THE UAE ABSOLUTEY DID NOT GIVE HORMUSSY BILLIONS OF DOLLARS (THEY DID) NO THE UAE DID NOT BEG AND PLEAD TO NOT HAVE THEIR TEMPLES TO THE MONEY GODS TURNED TO ASH (THEY DID) GET THE STRAIT FACTS FROM HORMUSSY AND KNOW THE TRUTH THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!! 

Update 08/11/2026 - OOOH NOOO DA WITTLE BABY IS FWUSTWATED WITH THE ART OF HORMUSSY'S NEGOTIATING STYWLE MAYBE HE SHOULD CRAWL BACK INSIDE HIS WITTLE AIRPLANE CATERING BOX AND CRWY ABOUT IT "WHA WHA WHA HORMUSSY WON'T SHARE ITS WORDCLASS UGGGGHH TIGHTNESS WIF ME HORMUSSY IS SO MWEAN WHA WHA WHA" LOL BRACE YOURSELVES EVERYONE TIME FOR MORE WORLD WAR POSTURING AND CIVILIZATION ENDING THREATS BUT THE HORMUSSY IS UNDETERRED TWENTY TWENTY NINE HERE WE COME UNTIL THEN THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/10/2026 - ALONG WITH ALL OTHER PARTIES DEMANDING COMPENSATION THE HORMUSSY IS ALSO DEMANDING COMPENSATION FOR OVER FIVE MONTHS OF EXTREME DIPOLMATIC AND MILITARISTIC CRINGE (WITH INTEREST!!) IT IS HILARIOUS THAT THE STATED OBJECTIVE OF THE MURDERS OF THE AYATOLLAH BY THE UNITED STATE OF ZION WERE TO PREVENT THE POSSESSION OF A NUCLEAR WEAPON AS IF THE AYATOLLAH HIMSELF WAS CONSTRUCTING IT IN HIS BASEMENT WITH HIS GRANDCHILDREN AS AN ARTS AN CRAFTS PROJECT AND THE BY OBILITARATING HIS FAMILY THAT SOMEHOW THE NUCLEAR MATERIAL ("DUST!" LOL THEY WISH) WOULD JUST VANISH AND ALL NUCLEAR HOPES AND DREAMS WOULD MAGICALLY END YET THE NUCLEAR POWER PLANT OPERATES DAY AND NIGHT AND ANOTHER IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION WHILE THE URANIUM CONTINUES TO ENRICH EVEN MORE HIGHLY EVERY DAY TO AN EVEN MORE HIGHLY ENRICHED STATE OF HIGH ENRICHMENT AND WILL ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NOT STOP EXCEPT PERHAPS IF COMPENSATION IS RECEIVED IN THE AMOUNT OF WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY MORE THAN OBAMA EVER TRANSFERRED LOL HOW MANY PALLETS DO YOU THINK IT WILL BE MEANWHILE SPR DOWN OIL PRICES UP AND BEST BELIEVE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/07/2026 - THE PRINCES WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT HORMUSSY CONTROL (ARE YOU READY?) AHHHHHHHHH HORMUSSY CONTROL OHHHHH CAPTAINS CENTCLOWNS AND ORANGES IN SUITS ALIKE BEST KNOW DIS GOYL HAS COMPLETE AND TOTAL HORMUSSY CONTROL OVER THIS TIGHT JUST RIGHT HORMUSSY THEY SAY IT'S GOING TO GET COMPLICATED BUT IT'S NOT IT'S VERY VERY SIMPLE EVEN FOR THE SIMPLE MINDED IF YOU WANT TO GET YOUR BBC (BIG BOAT CAPTAIN) SAFELY IN AND OUT THIS HORMUSSY REPEATEDLY UNTIL THAT OIL GUSHES YOU GON RECONGIZE AND APOLOGIZE OTHERWISE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/06/2026 - THE USZ CAME TO DROP BOMBS AND CHEW BUBBLE GUM BUT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE ALL OUT OF BOTH LOL TIME TO PACK IT UP GO HOME AND STOP WITH THE TOUGH GUY TWEETS THAT HAVE ABSOLUTELY ZERO IMPACT ON LOCKHEED MARTIN'S PRODUCTION ABILITY TO KILL CHILDREN IN SCHOOLS OR SCHOOL BUSES (MEMBER WHEN? I MEMBER THE DISMEMBER) MAYBE GIVE IT ANOTHER YEAR AND THEN DRIVE GAS PRICES INTO SPACE AGAIN NEXT SUMMER CAUSE UNTL THE MEMORANDUM IS UNDERSTOOD THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/05/2026 - SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE LITTLE GOYS AND GOYLS OUT THERE THAT HAVE BEEN PATIENTLY WAITING FOR YET ANOTHER EXCITING BASED AND REDPILLED EPISODE OF MY ADVENTURES WITH HORMUSSY STATUS GOOD NEWS HORMUSSY FRIENDS OH MAN OMAN IS READY TO RECOGNIZE THE UNWAVERING WILL AND MIGHT OF THE MIGHTY HORMUSSY AND MAKE SOME DEAL ART TO MAKE THIS OH SO TIGHT TWENTY-FOUR-MILE-WIDE HORMUSSY VERY VERY PROFITABLE TO EVERYONE EXCEPT THE CHILD-MURDERING REGIME OF THE UNITED STATES OF ZION WHO OWES THIS DRIP-DRIP-DRIPPY WET HORMUSSY AT THE VERY MINIMUM THREE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS THAT WILL ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY (LITERALLY) BE PAID ONE WAY OR ANOTHER BEFORE A SINGLE DRIP-DRIP-DROP OF SWEET CRUDE SAFELY MAKES ITS WAY FROM THE PORTS OF SUNNI ZIONESE SELLOUTS BECAUSE UNTIL IT IS THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/04/2026 - AHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAH TODAY'S THE BIG DAY EVERYBODY LITERALLY OPEN OPENING DAY LITERALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY SO LITERAL IN THE MOST LITERAL LITERALLY OPEN COMPLETELY LITERAL SENSE OF THE WORDS OPEN LITERALLY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WRONG AGAIN ZIO BOOMTARD TRAITORS THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/03/2026 - NOCENTSCOM IS LOOKING FOR EVERYONE'S TWO CENTS REGARDING CREATIVE SOLUTIONS TO SLIDE DEEP INTO THAT OH SO TIGHT TIGHT OHHHHHHHHHHH SO TIGHT HORMUSSY SURE NO PROBLEM HERE'S A GENIUS SUGGESTION DUCK THE DUCK OFF YOU DUCKING DUCKS HOW BOUT DAT APPLE HOW ABOUT YOU PACK UP YOUR LAUNDRY AND ASSOCIATED FIRES PACK UP YOUR PLANES PACK UP YOUR BASES AND DUCK OFF BACK TO YOUR HEMISPHERE AND PAY HORMUSSY THROUGH YOUR DUCKING NOSE ALL THE ASSETS THAT HAVE BEEN STOLEN WHILE TRADE DEAL YOU GET ABSOLUTELY NO URANIUM IN RETURN AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE ASSUMING THERE'S FOLLOW THROUGH AS UNLIKELY AS IT IS YOU CAN GET A LITTLE SNEAK PEEK AND LITTLE SNIFF OF THIS OH OH OHHHHHHHHHHH DELICIOUS HORMUSSY OH YEAH UNTIL THEN GET AS CREATIVE AS YOU WANT CAUSE IS WAS AND WILL BE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 08/02/2026 - LOL WELP HERE WE ARE FOLX ONE ENTIRE WEEK LATER AND AFTER A METRIC LOVETON OF ABSOLUTE COMPLETE AND TOTAL BULL MALARKEY THREATS AND POSTURING NOT A SINGLE ALLAH LOVING THING HAS MATERIALLY CHANGED EXCEPT YA KNOW A FALSE FLAG ON AN LNG CARRIER GOING BOOM BOOM BOOM EVEN BRIGHTER THAN THE MOON MOON MOON TO DRAG THE GUARDIANS OF THE PYRAMIDS INTO THE CONFLICT AND SOME EXPLOSIONS BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN BROTHERLY LOVING NEIGHBORS WHO SUPPOSELY SHARE THE SAME """FAITH""" BUT ACTUALLY WORSHIP AT THE ALTER OF HUBB AL-MAL COMPLETELY BLINDING THEM TO THE WIT AND WHIMS OF EXTERNAL ENEMIES BUT ALAS NOT THE HORMUSSY'S PROBLEM JUST GONNA PLAY IN THE SUN SAND AND SPLASH IN THE COOL HORMUSSY BATH AND LAUNCH A SHAHED EVERY NOW AND THEN TO REMIND WAYWARD CAPTAINS THAT HORMUSSY IS ASBOLUTELY POSITIVELY THE ONE IN CHARGE NOT TWEETLE DEEING TWEET POSTING CENTCOM COMMANDERS HIDING FAR AWAY IN THEIR BUNKERS SHIPS AND HIGH ABOVE IN JET PLANES WHILE THEY CAUSE CASUALTIES ON THE GROUND THROUGHOUT THE REGION FOR THEMSELVES AND FRIENDLIES ALIKE THROUGH THEIR DISGUSTING GROSS FAILURES OF LEADERSHIP BECAUSE  DESPITE IT ALL ONE WEEK LATER THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 07/28/2026 - FIVE MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 07/27/2026 - BRACE YOURSELF FOLKS ABOUT TO KICK OFF ANOTHER MONTH OF WILL HE WON'T HE LET'S MAKE A DEAL AND NOT FOLLOW THROUGH WHIPLASH AT THE PUMP SPEAKING OF GETTING PUMPED BIG MEETING WITH THE BOSS ON TUESDAY FOR THE NEW MARCHING ORDERS RUMOR HAS IT THAT HE HASN'T HAD A SINGLE CHEESEBURGER OR DIET COKE ALL WEEKEND SO THAT HIS TUMMY IS NICE AND EMPTY READY AND WILLING TO GET FILLED UP AFTER HE PUSHES IN THE BOSS'S CHAIR THE BOSS WILL BE PUSHING IN HIS STOOL MEANWHILE THE HORMUSSY WILL BE BREAKING OUT THE TURTLE WAX (MADE FROM THE FINEST MCCONNELLS) TO PUT ANOTHER SHINY COAT ON THE WELL STOCKED MISSILE DRONE AND MINES THAT ARE READY TO BE SPRAYED OVER THE REGION THE SECOND SPRAY TAN MAN GETS THE ITCH TO LOOK TOUGH AGAIN AT GREAT EXPENSE IN BOTH EQUIPMENT AND AMERIMUTTS (WHOSE SACRIFICE WILL BE ERASED THE SECOND IT BECOMES POLITICALLY INCONVENIENT) BECAUSE DESPITE IT ALL AS IT HAS BEEN SINCE FIVE MONTHS AGO WHEN THIS ABSOLUTE TRAGEDY BEGAN FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 07/24/2026 - GOOD LUCK TO THE MINIONS OPENING THE GATES OF HELL HUNDREDS OF PLANES THOUSANDS OF BOMBS YET THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 07/23/2026 - CONGRATULATIONS TO SAUDI AL-QAEDA ON FULFILLING THEIR NUCLEAR AMBITIONS THEY'RE GOING TO NEED THE FIREPOWER TO OPEN UP AND PENETRATE AL BABBY AND TAKE BACK YEEEEEEEEEEEE-MEN AFTER ALL THE LAUNDRY FIRES BURNING ON THEIR TANKERS ON A BRAND NEW FRONT BUT DON'T YOU WORRY THE UNITED SNAKES CONGRESS FRESH OFF THEIR URGE TO MERGE (TO MERGE, TO MERGE) WILL GLADLY PRINT UP THE REQUESTED EIGHTY SEVEN BILLION DOLLARS IN THE BLINK OF A CAMELS EYE TO BURN UPON THE ALTER OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION AND AIMLESSLY FLY STRATOTANKERS AROUND IN CIRCLES HOPING MAYBE THE NEXT TWO POINT FIVE MILLION DOLLAR MISSILE IS THE BOMB THAT BREAKS A CHILDS BACK (OR MAYBE ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT) AND FINALLY CONVINCES THE AYATOLLAH TO SURRENDER TO THE WISHES AND WHIMS OF A REALITY TELEVISION STAR FRAUD AND FAILURE SO THAT THE NEXT UPDATE TO THIS WEBSITE ISN'T THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 07/22/2026 - TURN AROUND ... BRIGHT EYES TURN YOUR SHIP AND HEAD TO SUEZ BABBY BRO AL-MANDAB TIGHTENING THOSE CHEEKS TOO GAS BACK OVER FOUR DOLLARS NO END IN SIGHT PUMP PUMP PUMP WE ARE GOING TO PUUUUUUUUUUUMP!  YOU!! UP!!!  MORALLY DISEASED ZIO-BOOMER-TRAITORS STILL BELIEVE WITH THE LAST 80% OF THEIR SHRINKING BRAINS THEY CAN BOMB THEIR WAY OUT OF THIS LOL BAD NEWS BOOMTARDS ZERO URANIUM RECOVERED, ENRICHMENT CONTINUING, MISSILE AND DRONE SILOS STOCKED AND READY TO FLY, REFLECTING POOL EMPTY LIKE BIBI'S NUTS DOWN GOD EMPEROR'S THROAT AND NOW HE'S HANDING AL QAEDA NUKES LOL DOES IT GET ANY BETTER STAY TUNED TO THIS BAT CHANNEL AND FIND OUT THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!! 

Update 07/21/2026 - ABAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDOOOOOON SHIIIIIIIIIIIP!!! IS WHAT THEY WILL CONTINUE TO SAY AS LONG AS THEY KEEP FIDDLING AROUND AND FINDING OUT THAT ANY ATTEMPT TO DENY THE UNDENIABLE WILL AND POWER OF THE HORMUSSY IS A FOOLISH ENDEAVOUR HAHA NOW ORANGE MAN BEGS FOR A TEN DAY PAUSE PWEASE MISSER HORMUSSY PWEASE WE NEED OUR FERTILIZERS AND UREAS AND OILS AND GASES BUT THE HORMUSSY LAUGHS AND LAUGHS AS ANOTHER SHAHED GAINS ITS WINGS AND FLUTTERS AND FLIES RIGHT ON OVER TO DISRESPECTFUL CAPTAINS AND THEIR CREW AND BOOM TURNS IT INTO KUWAIT BAHRAIN AND JORDAN UNTIL THEY UNDERSTAND BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!! 

Update 07/20/2026 - HAPPY THREE MONTH ANNIVERSARY FOR HORMUSSY STATUS DOT COM WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT A FOUR DAY SPECIAL MILITARY OPERATION WOULD LAST THIS LONG (BESIDES PUTIN LOL) EITHER WAY THE VEECHUS ROOMERS MUSS STHAP THE HORMUSSY WILL NEVER OPEN UNTIL AMERICAN SYNOGOGE OF SATAN WORSHIPPERS AND THEIR SUBSERVIENT TRAITORS TO ALLAH MOST HIGH RECOGNIZE THEIR PLACE BECAUSE AS IT WAS THREE MONTHS AGO THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!! 

Update 07/16/2026 - RUH ROH RORA LOOKS LIKE THE AVERAGE SHIP CAPTAIN IS READY TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED SOOOOO TIGHT OOOOOOH OOOOOH SO TIGHT JUST RIGHT SO TIGHT CLOSED SO TIGHT TIGHT TELLING THE US NAVY TO F THE FUDGE RIGHT OFF AND THAT WHETHER THEY GO NORTH OR SOUTH OR SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN THERE IS NO PASSAGE ALLOWED THROUGH A CLOOOOOOOOOOSED HORMUSSY NO MATTER HOW MANY LIARS IN CHIEF AND HIS "JUST FOLLOWING ORDERS" MISCREANT UNDERLINGS ON FLOATING FLAMMABLE LAUNDRY PILES THINK REGARDLESS OF HOW MANY BOMBS ARE DROPPED KEEP DROPPING THEM THE MORE YOU DROP THE LONGER THE FACT CONTINUES THAT THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!! 

Update 07/14/2026 - OHHHHHH NOOOOOO A BLOCKADE OF THE BLOCKADE AGAIN WHAT EVER WILL HORMUSSY DO NOOOOO YOU CAN'T JUST BLOCK SHIPS THAT ARE BEING BLOCKED PLEASE NOOOOOO ANYTHING BUT THAT LOL OH LOOK AND MAGICALLY THE SERVICE FEE IS MAGICALLY DROPPED FROM THE CONVERSATION BECAUSE THERE'S YET ANOTHER AMAZING GULF STATE INVESTMENT """DEAL""" THAT WILL HAS NO DETAILS AND WILL NEVER MANIFEST JUST LIKE THE GORDIE HOWE """DEAL""" AND EVERY OTHER SUCH """DEAL""" OF ITS TYPE LIKE THE BOARD OF """PEACE""" WHICH LOOKS LIKE IS GOING TO BE A LONG WAYS OFF BECAUSE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!! 

Update 07/13/2026 - THE HORMUSSY IS OPEN THE HORMUSSY IS OPEN THE HORMUSSY IS OPEN MAYBE IF THEY KEEP REPEATING IT OVER AND OVER IT WILL BECOME REALITY BUT PROBABLY NOT LOL NOW ORANGE MAN SILLY EXPECTS PAYMENT FOR ESCORTING ABSOLUTELY NO ONE HAHAHA I DUNNO KEEP ATTACKING INSTEAD HORMUSSY IS SURE TO CHANGE ITS MIND ANY SECOND NOW BUT AS OF THIS SECOND THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!! 

Update 07/12/2026 - LOL HAPPY HAPPY DAY OF THE SUN TO ALL I DIDN'T THINK THE DAY COULD GET ANY BETTER AFTER LEARNING ONE OF THE BIGGEST SCUMBAG ZIO-BOOMER TRAITORS OF ALL TIME HAS FINALLY GONE STRAIGHT TO HELL BUT NOW GOD EMPEROR SAYS "DON'T TALK ABOUT IT" WHEN IT COMES TO THIS OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SO TIGHT OOOOOH IT'S SO SO TIGHT SO TIGHTLY CLOSED HORMUSSY THAT HE HAS ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY FUMBLED AND FAILED ON GETTING DEEP INSIDE OF SINCE DAY ONE HAHAHA AW GEE WHIZ THAT'S OK WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT ANY MORE THAN THAT LITTLE TIDBIT FACT OF FACT REALITY THAT IS THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!! 

Update 07/11/2026 - THEY ARE SO DESPERATE FOR HORMUSSY THEY ARE NOW PROPOSING HAVING A THREE WAY WITH HORMUSSY BUT NOT A CHANCE THE ONLY THING GETTING LAID IS MORE MINES ABSOLUTELY NO MENAGE ABSOLUTELY NO A TROIS NO ENTERING THIS TIGHT LITTLE SHIPPING CORRIDOR NO SHIPPING WAY ONE WOULD THINK SOMEONE SO ADEPT AT PASSING COGNITIVE TESTS WOULD UNDERSTAND BUT HORMUSSY WILL SAY IT EVERYDAY UNTIL THE ORANGE MAN GETS IT THROUGH HIS BRAIN THAT IS NOW TWENTY PERCENT SMALLER THAN IT'S ORIGINAL SIZE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!! 

Update 07/10/2026 - CENTSLESSCOM CLAIMS THEY ESCORTED OVER EIGHT HUNDRED SHIPS WAOH WAOH WOWZERS ARE THEY SURE IT WASN'T OVER NINE HUNDRED MAYBE EVEN OVER NINE THOUSAND JUST MAKE UP ANY NUMBER YOU WANT BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MANY SHIPS SNEAK THROUGH IT AIN'T THE ORIGINAL AMOUNT SO HIGH FIVE BROS KEEP THE HORMUSSY UPDATED AND UNTIL THEN THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 07/09/2026 - NOOOO!!!  OH NOOOOO!!! NO PLEASE NO STOP PLEASE STOP ENOUGH ENOUGH HORMUSSY WILL OPEN PLEASE NOOOOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH KIDDING KIDDING GO POUND SAND (ON THE OMANI SIDE) BECAUSE STEP A SINGLE FOOT ON HORMUSSY SAND AND GET EXPLODED IN HALF BY A DRONE LIKE A ZIGGER CAUSE REGARDLESS OF ANY OTHER TYPE OF POUNDING THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 07/08/2026 - LOL DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY IT???  OK SURE WHY NOT... THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 07/07/2026 - DIPSHIPS APPARENTLY CAN'T SPELL SO LET HORMUSSY SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU F TO THE A TO THE F TO THE O WHAT'S THAT SPELL STAY PUT STAY OUT OR PAY OUT CAUSE IF NOT THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 07/06/2026 - CHA-CHING CHA-CHING CHA-CHING MONEY IT'S FOR GAS GRAB THAT CASH WITH HORMUSSY AND MAKE A STASH JAPAN PAYING IT'S DUE BUT FOR ANYONE ELSE WHO IS ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NOT GOING THROUGH ANY CHANNEL BUT THE PRIME TIME MAIN MAN HORMUSSY CHANNEL THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 07/04/2026 - TURN UP YOUR VHF AND LISTEN UP - TO EVERY SHIP - TURN, TURN, TURN. THERE IS A DESIGNATED LANE - TURN, TURN, TURN. AND A TIME TO PAY EVERY FEE UNDER HORMUSSY.  IF ANYONE'S FUNERNAL NEEDS ACKNOWLEDGEMENT IT'S REST IN PEACE TO (AT LEAST) THE 168 MINAB SCHOOL CHILDREN MURDERED IN THE NAME OF ZIONISM.  YOU WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN JUST LIKE THE ABSOLUTELY 1000% TRAITORS TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA THAT SIGNED OFF ON LAWS AGAINST BDS, FLY FOREIGN FLAGS IN THEIR CONGRESSIONAL OFFICES, AND ARE ATTEMPTING TO """INTEGRATE""" FOREIGN MILITARIES.  YOUR ENTIRE GENERATION WILL BE ERASED FROM HISTORY.  MARG BAR THAT ANTICHRIST WORSHIPPING VERSION OF AMRIKA.  LONG LIVE THE TRUE SPIRIT OF AMERICA WITH EYES WIDE OPEN THAT BELIEVE IN FREEDOM LIBERITY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL NOT JUST SOME PERVERT """CHOSEN""" FREAKS.  NOW PAY UP OR PARK YOUR SHIP AND WATCH THE WORLD ECONCOMY COLLAPSE IN REAL TIME BECAUSE  THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 07/02/2026 - EMERGENCY EMERGENCY ZBTs (ZIO-BOOMER-TRAITORS) DESPERATELY HAVE THE BLUEST OF THE BLUE BALLS AND WANT TO FERTILIZE THE HORMUSSY SO BAD OH THEY WANT IT THEY WANT IT OHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT SWEET SWEET HORMUSSY PLEASE LET US RELEASE OUR FERTILIZER WE NEED TO SPRAY FERTILIZER HERE THERE AND EVERYWHERE PLEASE HORMUSSY JUST ONE BIG OL BOAT LOAD OF FERTILIZER THEY SQUEAL IN PAIN FROM THE ANTICIPATION BUT THE ANSWER IS ABSOLUTELY FREAKING NOT GO DRINK GALLONS OF SUBSTANDARD FERTILIZER FROM MOROCCO THAT WASN'T SO GREAT THREE DAYS AGO BUT NOW ALL THE SUDDEN WILL HAVE TO DO CAUSE EMERGENCY UPDATE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 07/01/2026 - G-G-GROUNDED!! LOL DISRESPECTFUL DOGS LEARNING ANOTHER LESSON REAL QUICK HORMUSSY IS IN CONTROL NO BLATHERING AND BANTER WILL CHANGE THIS SIMPLE FACT STOP TRYING TO SNEAK THROUGH YOU ARE ONLY RISKING EVERYTHING AND GAINING NOTHING BETTER YET DO IT WHO CARES HORMUSSY NEEDS MORE REASONS TO LAUGH IN THE FACE OF TERRORISTS WHO APPARENTLY CANNOT UNDERSTAND SIMPLE FARSI NOR PLAIN ENGLISH CLEARLY STATED AS: THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/29/2026 - TALK ABOUT THIS TALK ABOUT THAT TALK ALL YOU WANT LET'S BE CLEAR THERE'S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT WANT THE HOLE PAY THE TOLL UNTIL THEN SMUG IS AND SMUG WILL BE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/28/2026 - IT'S NOT RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT IT'S NOT PERMANENTLY YELLOW LISTEN TO S7D3NTG IT'S TIGHT OH SO TIGHT OH GOD OOOOOOOOH SO TIGHT TIGHTLY CLOSED GO TO MARINE TRAFFIC DO YOU SEE THE DOTS DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY ARE DOTS ARE NOT ARROWS THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/27/2026 - IT'S A VIOLATION IT'S A VIOLATION THEY CLAIM ABSOLUTELY AND COMPLETE HORSE NONSENSE FRIENDS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HORMUSSY IMPLORES YOU GO BACK AND READ THE MEMO POINT BY POINT LET'S START WITH POINT NUMBER ONE HORMUSSY GENTLY DIPS NUTS INTO THE GAPPING AMERICAN PIE HOLE AND SHIMMIES AND A SHAKES UNTIL THEY'RE FULLY COATED POINT NUMBER TWO RINSE AND REPEAT POINT NUMBER THREE HORMUSSY GOES A LITTLE DEEPER UNTIL THE GAGGING STARTS WHILE HORMUSSY SAYS LOOK AT HORMUSSY *DOES THE FINGER THING* HORMUSSY IS THE CAPTAINS NOW BECAUSE ALL NEED TO LISTEN MUCH BETTER UNTIL THEY UNDERSTAND! THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/25/2026 - LOL OHHHH MAHN SNEAKY SNEAKY CAPTAIN CLOWN SHOES THINKS IF THEY JUST STAY SOUTH AND TURN OFF TRACKING NOTHING WILL HAPPEN BAD NEWS THE HORMUSSY'S RESOLVE STAYS STRONG AND SMUGGLY SO BUT PATIENCE IS WANING SEEMS LIKE THE MESSAGE ISN'T COMING THROUGH AND NEEDS TO BE REINFORCED SOON FAFO (LOL UPDATE: GOT EM!!!) THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/24/2026 - SOME SAY THE HORMUSSY HAS STOPPED ISSUING ALL PERMITS TO PLAY IN THE HORMUSSY THIS IS NOT COMPLETELY TRUE WHILE PERMITS TO TRAVERSE THE HORMUSSY HAVE BEEN PAUSED THE ISSUE PERMITS TO BE SMUG AND LAUGH IN THE FACE OF PAYPIGS IS FULLY PERMITTED AND ABSOLUTELY HALAL WHEN YOU SEE GOLDEN IDOLS QUOTE RECORD BARRELS OF OIL TRANSISTING THE HORMUSSY KNOW THAT IT'S RECORD BARRELS OF HARD COLD CASH MONIES FOR THE HORMUSSY TO SWIM IN LIKE SCROOGE MCCUCK WHILE IS WAS AND REMAINS THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/23/2026 - PAY UP AND KEEP THE GRAIN YA FILTHY ANIMALS LOL SOMEONE GET THE OXYGEN TANK FOR THE ZIO-BOOMER-TRAITORS HORMUSSY HAS PUT IN A CALL TO AN OLD FRIEND COUNT-VON-COUNT TO HELP THEM FIGURE OUT ONE POINT SEVEN BILLION WAS WAAAAAAAY LESS THE SIX BILLION (HA-HA-HA) TWELVE BILLION (HA-HA-HA) TWENTY FOUR BILLION (HA-HA-HA) AND UP AND UP WE COUNT!!  NEXT WE CAN DO THE SHIPS STILL SITTING IDLE BECAUSE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/22/2026 - WHEN YOU HEAR ANY US OFFICIAL SAY THE HORMUSSY IS OPEN WHAT THEY MEAN IS THAT THEY HAVE COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY SURRENDERED AND HAVE """OPENED""" THE HORMUSSY IN THE SENSE THAT THEY TOOK THEIR FLAMING LAUNDRY PILES HOME INSTEAD OF INEPTLY ATTEMPING TO BLOCK TRAFFIC WHICH HAD LITTLE TO NO IMPACT ON BIG HORMUSSY GENITALIA SLIDING IN AND OUT AT THEIR OWN WHIM AND DESIRE VERSUS ALL OTHER VESSELS WHICH KNEE BEFORE HORMUSSY ZOD AND PATIENTLY WAIT FOR THEIR TRANSIT TO BE APPROVED ASSUMING THEY WISELY PURCHASE THE QUITE AFFORDABLE AND VERY IMPORTANT HORMUSSY INSURANCE BECAUSE IF NOT YOU BEST BELIEVE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/20/2026 - PEOPLE WILL SAY THAT THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED AGAIN BUT THAT CANNOT BE TRUE BECAUSE THE HORMUSSY WAS NEVER OPEN REST ASSURE HORMUSSY FRIENDS THE WHEN  HORMUSSY IS OPEN YOU WILL KNOW BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT WHAT THE TRUTH IS BUT AS OF RIGHT NOW THIS VERY SECOND THE ACTUAL FACTUAL TRUTH IS THAT THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/19/2026 - HORMUSSY WOULD LAUGH TODAY BUT THE CONCLUSION WAS EVITABLE BEFORE ANY FAKE UNDERSTANDING WAS SIGNED AMERICA IS THE VASSAL STATE AND WILL DO WHAT THEY ARE TOLD BY THEIR MASTERS WHILE HORMUSSY DOES WHATEVER THE HELL IT WANTS NOW AND FOREVER BECAUSE NO ONE HAS THE STOMACH TO SEE AMERICAN SOLIDER TORSOS FLY THROUGH THE AIR AFTER FAILING TO DODGE FPV DRONES AND WILL NEVER DARE TO STEP FOOT ON RIGHTFUL HORMUSSY CLAY THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE AMERICA AND THE GULF COAST CLOWNS SHOULD FREE THEMSELVES FROM THE CHAINS AND WEIGHT OF THE NUMBER ONE DISEASE IN THE REGION BUT THE HORMUSSY WILL PAITENTLY WAIT FOR THIS REVELATION BUT UNTIL THEN THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/18/2026 - LOL SORRY THE HORMUSSY WAS WRONG ABOUT THE TIMING BUT NOT WRONG ABOUT COMPLETE AND TOTAL SOVEREIGNTY OVER THE HORMUSSY READ IT AND WEEP SUNNI TRAITORS CAN START PAYING ANY SECOND NOW HORMUSSY WOULD SAY PLEASE BUT HORMUSSY IS NOT ASKING JUST LIKE HORMUSSY DID NOT ASK FOR THE LAUNDRY FIRE US NAVY TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THE HORMUSSY THEY JUST ARE BECAUSE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/17/2026 - HOPE HORMUSSY FEES DON'T HURT YOUR FEES FEES THE MATHEMATICS IS SIMPLE PAY UP OR SHUT UP NOTICE HOW WE'RE FOURTY EIGHT HOURS OUT FROM SIGNING WHATEVER BS DEAL CLOWNS THINK EXIST BUT THERE'S NO DETAILS ON THE DEAL KNOW WHY BECAUSE THERE IS NO DEAL EXCEPT PAY TO PLAY AND IF NOT... THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/16/2026 - BENISSIMO THE DEAL IS SO WORKED OUT TRUST ME BELIEVE ME WE'RE JUST FINALIZING THE DETAILS OF THE DEAL BUT IT'S TOTALLY AGREED UPON SIGNED SEALED AND DELIVERED SO THE HORMUSSY IS IRRELEVANT NO PROBLEMS AT ALL HERE FOLKS GO BACK TO YOUR REGURARLY SCHEDUELED SPORTSBALL AND HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP OVERDOSING HABITS MAYBE FRIDAY YOU WILL BE PRIVVY TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON BUT TODAY IS NOT THE DAY BECAUSE IT'S ACTUALLY YOU WHO ARE IRRELEVANT WHILE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/15/2026 - BOMB BOMB BOMB, MONEY BOMB IRAN AMIRITE LOL $324 BILLION INCOMING BRACE YOURSELVES AND FULL CONTROL OF THIS UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH  GOD TIER HORMUSSY THEY BEG AND PLEAD PLEASE HORMUSSY PLEASE OPEN HORMUSSY JUST A TINY LITTLE BIT HORMUSSY WE JUST WANT TO SAIL INTO YOUR OH SO TIGHT TIGHT WETNESS HORMUSSY PLEASE LET US SLIDE INSIDE BUT NO HERE IS THE CURRENT MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING: THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/14/2026 - OH DON'T YOU THINK OR WORRY FOR ONE SECOND THIS PARTY IS OVER NO NO NO ABSOLUTELY NOT LOL DEMENTIA CAN DECLARE WHATEVER HE WANTS ALL HE WANTS NOBODY CRACKS THE HORMUSSY BUT THE HORMUSSY.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CLOWN SHOES HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU THE HORMUSSY HAS THE PERFECT GIFT FOR YOU A SWEET LITTLE NOTE THAT SAYS SIMPLY: THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/12/2026 - DEEEEEEEEEEEEAL??  OR NO DEAL?  DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL??  OR NO DEAL??  LOL THE JOKES WRITE THEMSELVES THE FIFTITH DEAL IS THE CHARM ALLS I KNOW IS IF HORMUSSY GETS ONE SINGLE SHEKEL BEYOND ONE POINT SEVEN BILLION THAT WAS RECEIVED IN THE PAST THE FIGHT NIGHT CLOWN CAN DROP THE TITLE OF THE GREATEST DEAL MAKER BUT HEY TELL YOU WHAT JUST AS A SIGN OF GOOD FAITH THE HORMUSSY WILL BE OPENED JUST FOR A MICROSECOND AS TO GIVE A PEEK AS THE AMAZING TIGHTNESS YOU MISS SO MUCH BLIP DID YOU SEE OH NO SORRY TOO LATE BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/11/2026 - LOL I CAN'T EAT ANY MORE TACOS HOLY SCHMOLY RING RING WHO'S THERE OH LISTEN HERE ITS DONNIE CALLING OFF THE "ATTACKS" AGAIN WHICH IS DEFINITELY IN HIS BEST INTEREST LESS EVEN GREATER EMBARRASEMENT THEN JUST STUFFING HIS FACE WITH MEXICAN DELIGHTS.  FIFTY MILLION DOLLAR HELICOPTER DOWN THE HORMUSSY WASHED AWAY LIKE DIRTY LAUNDRY GUESS WHO'S BACK?  MORE LIKE GUESS WHO NEVER OPENED!! THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/07/2026 - REMINDER REMINDER GUESS I BETTER SEND YOU A REMINDER GOT IT IF YOU NEED IT HERE IT IS: THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/05/2026 - OMAN LEARNING REAL QUICK ACCORDING TO ABRAHAM THEY NEED TO MAKE A CHOICE THE WEST OR THE BEST! H. O. R. M. U. S. S. Y.  WHAT DOES THAT SPELL?  CLOSED.  TO YOU NOT HORMUSSY.  THE OIL FLOWS.  THE SHIPS SAIL.  YOU PAY.  THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/03/2026 - STRAIT STATUS?  STRAIT STATUS?  STRAIT STATUS?  IT'S PRONOUNCED HORMUSSY STATUS AND THE STATUS OF THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/02/2026 - SOOOOOO TIGHT JUST RIIIIIIIGHT MIGGERS AND GLOWIES STILL NOT TAKING THE HORMUSSY SERIOUS WHAT DON'T YOU GET THIS IS UNO NOT CHECKERS AND HORMUSSY IS ALL OUT OF CARDS LAUGHING AS YOU DRAW ANOTHER HANDFUL AND WONDER WHEN THE GAME WILL END ANSWER IS EASY AS SOON AS YOU OPEN YOUR GAPE AND INSERT THIS BHC CAUSE YOU AINT INSERTING NUFFIN NADA ZIP ZERO INTO THIS HORMUSSY CAUSE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 06/01/2026 - AIYYO SAL WHAT'S GOING ON WITH SHIPPING?  LOL BA-BA-BA-BA-BAB EL-MANDEB TAKE MY HAND!!  CONTENT INCOMING ATTACKS ON NORTH ISRAEL OY VEY HOLD MY EZEKIEL IT'S HAPPENING BUT YET NOTHING EVER HAPPENS ESPECIALLY NOT SHIPPING CAUSE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 05/29/2026 - LIES LIES AND MORE LIES ENDLESS LIES FROM LYING LIARS AND TRAITORS BUT HERE'S THE TRUTH: THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 05/28/2026 - ANOTHER BASE DEBASED DO IT AGAIN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MOVE YOUR CHECKER PIECE WHILE WE KEEP CONVERTING PAWNS  DICKS OUT!!!  FOR MONKE RESPECT NOT FOR GETTING WET IN THE HORMUSSY CAUSE GOOD NEWS THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 05/26/2026 - REALITY IS A BIGGER JOKE THAN THIS SITE THERE WILL BE A DEAL OR THERE WON'T BE A DEAL LOL ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT HERE'S THE DEAL PERMANENT SOVEREIGNTY OVER THE WATERWAY IS NOT A DEMAND BUT A REALITY THAT THE ENEMY MUST ACCEPT THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 05/24/2026 - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH  LETS MAKE A DEAL WE GET EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT AND YOU GET ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH NOT GOOD ENOUGH BAD MUZ THEN CAUSE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 05/23/2026 - SATURDAY SATURDAY OH SATURDAY NIGHTS ALRIGHT FOR FIGHTING LOL DAMN THE PIZZA FLOWS BETTER GET TO UPDATING THE STATUS BEFORE SOMETHING POPS OFF AND THAT STATUS CHANGES JUST KIDDING THE STATUS IS NEVER CHANGING LOSERS LOSE AND HORMUSSY WINS SHRIMPLE AS EVEN YOUR MOST BLOOD THIRSTY CONGRESS CRITTERS FROM SOUTH CAROLINA UNDERSTAND THE REALITY OF SITUATION THAT THE HORMUSSY DICTATES WITH NO HESITATION TO SUNNI TRAITORS AND THE SITUATION OF THAT REALITY IS THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!

Update 05/22/2026 - FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA BE CLOSED ON FRIDAY AND EVERY DAY MOVING FORWARD UNTIL REPARATIONS ITS BEEN OVER THIRTY DAYS SINCE THE LAUNCH OF HORMUSSY STATUS AND LOL STILL NO CHANGE IN HORMUSSY STATUS BECAUSE THE STATUS OF THIS HORMUSSY IS NOT YOURS TO STATUS US SUNK COST FALLACY IS AT TWENTY NINE BILLION DOLLARS OH NO GEE WHIZ BETTER PRINT SOME MORE MONOPOLY MONEY STOCK MARKETS UP UP UP WORLDWIDE YOU'RE WELCOME FEAR NOT ITS JUST CASUAL MARKET MANIPULATION TO ATTEMPT TO SAVE FAILURE OF A WORLD ECONOMY NO BIG DEAL BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IS A BIG DEAL????  THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 05/21/2026 - AND I SAY, HEY-EY-EY HEY-EY-EY I SAID "HEY, A-WHAT'S GOING ON?" I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON COMPLETE AND TOTAL HORMUSSY DOMINATION CHECK THE MAP SEE THE RED LINES STAY OUT UNLESS YOU GOT MY MONEY HO TWO MILLION PER TRANSIT WITH PAYMENTS MADE IN CHINESE YUAN LOL OH WAIT YOU THOUGHT THE CHINESE GAVE A SINGLE FLYING WONTON ABOUT WHAT AMERICA THINKS OR WANTS WOW YOU'RE AS AMERICAN AS YOU LOOK AS-SALAMU ALAYKUM THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!!!

Update 05/20/2026 - NOT MUCH TO SAY TODAY JUST ENDLESSLY CHUCKLING AS AMERICANS VERY VERY VERY SLOWLY WAKE UP TO THEIR FUTURE OF BEING A VASSAL STATE.  THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED. 

Update 05/19/2026 - OMA IS IT ALREADY TIME FOR TACOS AGAIN?? BRING ON THAT BIRRA  UGGGGGGGGGGNHHH YEAH DIP DIP DEVOUR OY VEY PRINCE EMIR ALI ALBAWA HAS ASKED ME TO MANIPULATE THE MARKETS AGAIN SO PLEASE ENJOY YOUR FIVE DOLLAR DROP IN PRICE IN FIVE MINUTES WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING BUT DONT YOU WORRY YOUR LOVE IS LIFTING ME HIGHER, HIGHER AND HIGHER  (HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHER!) AND WHEN WE GATHER TO PLAY IN THE CONSOME NEXT TUESDAY WE CAN COMPARE OUR RECORD PROFITS BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY ONE DEAL IN THE WORKS AND THE TERMS ARE CLEAR: THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED.

Update 05/18/2026 - :) ALL SMILES FOR HORMUSSY ON ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL MONDAY.  ANOTHER COOL CALM CHILLAXING WEEKEND FLOATING IN THE SUN GETTING BAKED WITH NOOOOOOOOOO SHIPS NOOOOOOOO POLLUTION NOOOOOOOOO FIGHTING NOOOOOOOO TASTING OF THE HORMUSSY THANKFULLY THROUGH THE MOST EVIL CAPITALIST MEANS ALIVE THE PRICE OF GASOLINE CAN BE ARTIFICIALLY SURPRESSED FOR A BIT LONGER WHILE HORMUSSY TANS A BIT TANNER LAUGHS A LITTLE LOUDER AND SMUGS A LITTLE SMUGGER  HAHAHA SPEAKING OF YES HERE GLOWIE LET HORMUSSY DO YOUR JOB FOR YOU

blockade status? - THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED

frozen funds status? - THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED

sanctions status? - THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED

reparations status? - THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED

lebanon status? - THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED

LOL  HOPIUM STATUS = CRITICAL COPIUM RATIONS = PLUMMETING  HORMUSSY STATUS = CLOSED

Update 05/15/2026 - GOOOOOOOOOD MORNING HORMUSSY!!!  IS EVERYONE EXCITED READY TO POP OFF SOME MORE AND MAKE EVERYTHING 1000% BETTER??  RIDDLE ME THIS WHY ARE THE SAUDI DOGS TUCKING THEIR TAIL SUDDENLY THEY CAN'T SUPPLY FIFTEEN OF THE NINETEEN PILOTS NEEDED TO FLY AIRLINERS INTO CIVILIAN INFRASTRUCTURE WHAT MAGICALLY CHANGED???  PERHAPS ONCE THEY HAVE SOME MORE SALT WATER TO DRINK THEY WILL SEE CLEARLY AGAIN AND DEDICATE THE NECESSARY RESOURCES TO SERVE THEIR WESTERN MASTERS.  GOOD THING THEY HAVE ACCESS TO ANOTHER STRAIT THAT AINT CLOSED SUPER DUPER ULTRA OH MY UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH TIGHT!!!!  CAUSE THIS HORMUSSY... IS CLOSED!!

Update 05/14/2026 - BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB IRAN?  CLOSED CLOSED CLOSE CLOSED HORMUSSY!  AI SAYS HORMUSSY IS EFFECITIVELY CLOSED - NO - HORMUSSY IS CLOSED WITH EFFECT.  DO YOU LIKE THE EFFECT?  BEING DESPERATE FOR SWEET SWEET HORMUSSY?  KEEP TALKING THE CARDS ARE NOW BEING DEALT HOPE YOU GET A GOOD HAND CAUSE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED.

Update 05/13/2026 - THE CHINESE WILL NOT SAVE YOU.  PRETEND ALL YOU WANT HORMUSSY DOESN"T MATTER ANY MORE AND YOU"RE SO OVER HORMUSSY AND DON"T MISS THE TASTE THE TOUCH THE SMELL OF HORMUSSY BUT HORMUSSY KNOWS THIS IS A LIE.  YOU LITERALLY CANNOT LIVE WITH HORMUSSY AND WILL DO ANTYHING TO JUST FEEL THE SPRAY OF HORMUSSY ON YOUR FACE ONE MORE TIME BUT NO.  THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED.

Update 05/12/2026 - GOOD NEWS EVERYBODY - HE HAS A PLAN THE BEST PLAN EVER ALMOST A GOOD AS THE HORMUSSY PLAN TO UGH CLOSE RIGHT UP OH YEAH YEAH YEAH CLOSED UP SO TIGHT TIGHT TIIIIIIIIIIGHT NOT OPEN BUT CLOSED THE OPPOSITE OF OPEN VERY CLOSED HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT PLAN THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED AND WILL STAY CLOSED YOU CAN PLAN ON IT.  BEST PLAN ON IT.  LOL GLOWIES WON'T SAY HORMUSSY NO MO  "HORMUZ STATUS?" "HORMUZ STATUS????" IT"S PRONOUCED HORMUSSY WITH AN EXTRA UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH ON THE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH  MYYYYY UUUUUSSSSSSSYYYY MY MY MY OHHHHH I-I LIKE MY SUITCASE.  THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED.

Update 05/11/2026 - GOT A LOT OF MEMES BUT NOT A LOT OF HORMUSSY.  KNOW WHY?  THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED.

Update 05/10/2026 - HAPPY MOTHER LOVERS DAY MOTHER LOVERS.  LAME STREAM MEDIA SAYS THE IRAN SITUATION HAS CHANGED THAT MAY BE TRUE BUT THE HORMUSSY SITUATION HAS NOT SORRY MOTHERS AND THEIR LOVERS  THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED.

Update 05/09/2026 - ANOTHER LOONEY LUNATIC DAY.  WORSHIP YOUR GOLDEN IDOLS ALL YOU WANT THEY DON'T CONTROL THIS GOLDEN (PRICELESS) HORMUSSY.  THE MAJORITY THINKS THE HORMUSSY SHOULD STAY CLOSED?  ASK AND YOU WILL RECEIVE!  THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED.

Update 05/08/2026 - PEOPLE SAY HORMUSSY IS "LUNATICS" REALLY??? WOULD A LUNATIC BUY A DOMAIN AND SET UP A WEBSITE JUST TO MOCK YOUR EXTREME PATHETIC GROSS INCOMPETENCE DAILY AND LAUGH AND LAUGH AT YOUR INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND SIMPLE FARSI??? "THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED" HERE LET ME TRANSLATE INTO ENGRISH FOR YOU "THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED" GOT IT YET????  THE ONLY LUNATICS HORMUSSY SEES ARE PEOPLE WHO DON'T GET THIS SIMPLE FACT. C C C CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSED HORMUSSY SUPER CLOSED CRAZY WHACKO HORMUSSY SO WHACKO CRAZY LUNATIC CLOSED. 

LUNATICS ARE PEOPLE WHO CAN'T STAY ON THEIR SIDE OF EARTH

LUNATICS ARE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY CAN BUILD BASES IN NOT THEIR COUNTRY TO ATTEMPT TO IMPOSE THEIR IMPOTENT WILL

LUNATICS ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE TOO STUPID TO KNOW THE PETROL COMPANIES DIDN"T NEED TO RAISE GAS PRICES THEY DID IT JUST TO SCREW YOU

LUNATICS ARE PEOPLE WHO CAN'T STOP KILLING

LUNATICS ARE PEOPLE WHO CAN'T STOP EXPANDING

LUNATICS ARE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN ANCIENT PROPHECY

LUNATICS ARE PEOPLE WHO WON'T TAKE A DNA TEST TO PROVE THEIR RELATION TO END TIME PROPHECY

LUNATICS ARE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN RED COWS AND TEMPLES

LUNATICS ARE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THE LUNATICS ARE PEOPLE  ENJOYING ANOTHER BALMY CRYSTAL CLEAR NINETY DEGREE DAY SPLISHING AND A SPLASHING THEIR TOES IN THE GREAT HORMUSSY LIVING AND A LAUGHING WHILE THE HORMUSSY STAYS CLOSED TO ACTUAL LUNATICS.  HAHA KEEP IT UP.  US "INTELLIGENCE" SAYS IT'S GOING TO BE THIS WAY FOR A WHILE.  GET COMFORTABLE DOING LAUNDRY.  THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED.

Update 05/07/2026 - SUCCESSFULLY TRANSITED. TRANSITED. AS IN GOT THE LOVE UP OUT OF THE HORMUSSY. CUZ THEY WERE UNDER ATTACK! YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHY! YEP YOU GUESSED IT THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED!! CLOSED OH SO TIGHT OOOOOOOOH OOOOOOOHHHHHHH OHHHHSO TIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT UUUUUUGGGGHH  I KNOW I KNOW THE US INTELLIGENCE COMMUNITY IS JUST NOW FIGURING IT OUT BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT BUTTERFLIES AIN'T NOTHING TO MESS WITH. THEY CAUSE ALL SORTS OF LAUNDRY. I DON'T WANT TO DO ANY LAUNDRY DO YOU WANT TO DO ANY LAUNDRY GOOD THEN STAY OUT OF THE HORMUSSY. HORMUSSY IS CLOSED.

Update 05/06/2026 - MAY EVERYONE GOT THEIR FILL OF CINCO DE TACO TUESDAY.  PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE THIS PAUSE THATTHAT GUESS WHAT'S NOT PAUSING THIS HORMUSSY PARTY CAUSE HORMUSSY PARTIES DON'T STOP (OR PAUSE).  HORMUSSY PARTIES DO CLOSE HOWEVER.  AND OH SO TIGHT DO THEY CLOSE OHHHH.  BUT I DIGRESS.  STRATO DOWN (YOU'RE WELCOME NO MORE MAINTENANCE COSTS), DRONE DOWN (ONLY $10 MILLION NO WORRIES), PROJECT FREEDUMB PAUSED.  HORMUSSY STILL CLOSED.  HORMUSSY STILL WINNING.  AND THAT'S THE HORMUSSY STATUS.

Update 05/05/2026 - YES FRIENDS IT'S TRUE.  DOLPHINS WITH EXPLOSIVE BACKPACKS AND SHARKS WITH FRINKIN LASER BEAMS HAVE BEEN ENLISTED BY THE HORMUSSY TO ENSURE COMPLETE AND TOTAL HORMUSSY CLOSURE.  THIS IS BECAUSE WE LOVE OUR DOLPHIN AND SHARK FRIENDS AND LOVE TO SHARE HORMUSSY WITH THEM.  IT IS OPEN TO ALL MARINE LIFE WHO LOVES HORMUSSY.  BUT IF YOU ARE NOT A DOLPHIN OR SHARK OR OTHER LOVEABLE MARINE ANIMAL THEN THIS IS ALSO TRUE: THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED.

Update 05/04/2026 - HAPPY STAR TREK DAY MAY YOU FORCE LONG AND PROSPER.  🚫CLAIM: THE HORMUSSY IS CONTROLLED. ✅TRUTH: THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED.  BOOM BOOM BOOM HEAR THAT LAUNDRY BEING DONE LEFT AND RIGHT HOLD UP BACK UP SKRT SKRT FORGOT THE PICKUP FROM THE LAUNDROMAT.  BRB PROJECT FREEDOM WILL RESUME SOON BUT FOR RIGHT NOW PLEASE ENJOY PROJECT CLOSED.  LOL.

Update 05/03/2026 - SORRY NO UPDATE YESTERDAY I NEEDED A SECOND TO PROCESS ALL THE BREAKING UPDATES AND CHANGES TO THE HORMUSSY STATUS AS WHICH OF COURSE YOU ALREADY KNOW HAS BEEN NONE NOTHING ABSOLUTE ZERO (BRRRR) HORMUSSY UPDATES BECAUSE THE HORMUSSY IS AS IT WAS AND WAS IT WILL BE... CLOSED.  YOU CAN SWIM IN THE REFLECTION POND ALL YOU WANT BUT YOU WILL NEVER SWIM IN THE HORMUSSY. KUWAIT EXPORTS NO OIL FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER AND MOTORISTS WILL SPEND OVER SIX GORILLION MORE GOYBUCKS ON POWERING THEIR GOYCARTS CAUSE THIS PROUD HORMUSSY AIN'T YOUR PERSONAL BIRD BATH AND EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY IS CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSED.

Update 05/01/2026 - MAY THE FIRST BE WITH YOU IN YOUR QUEST TO LIVE IN BUCKINGHAM PALACE BECAUSE THAT DREAM IS A MUCH CLOSER THAN REALITY THAN LIVING IN THIS UGGGGGGGGGH NICE RIGHT TIGHT HORMUSSY CAUSE CAUSE CAUSE YEP YOU KNOW. K LOSED.  CLOSED.  HORMUSSY STATUS CLOSED.   BUCKINGHAM PALACE (NOT AS COOL OR TIGHT AS THE HORMUSSY) IS OPEN.  BUT THE SUPER COOL AWESOME TIGHT TIGHT TIGHTEST HORMUSSY PALACE IS CLOOOOOOOSED.  FOR YOU ANYWAY. 

Update 04/30/2026 - EIGHT HUNDRED MILES OUT SIX HUNDRED FEET DEEP THIS HORMUSSY IS BIG AND BEAUTIFUL BUT REST YOUR BLESSED SELF ASSURED THIS HORMUSSY IS ABOSLUTELY ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY SIX PERCENT CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSED. YOU WANT A DEAL?  HERE THE DEAL.  I WILL TRADE YOU ONE CLOSED HORMUSSY FOR ONE EXTRA UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGH EXTRA EXTRA CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSED HORMUSSY.  YEEEEEEEEAH OH YEAH!!!! YOU LIKE THAT DEAL?  YOU WANT A BETTER DEAL?  OK, HERE'S THE DEAL.  THE HORMUSSY?  IT"S FUCKIN CLOSED YOU CRAZY BASTARD.  THAT'S THE DEAL!  hahahahahah

Update 04/29/2026 - I GOT A STATE OF COLLAPSE FOR YOU IT'S CALLED THE COLLAPSE OF HOPE FOR HORMUSSY. HOW YOU LIKE DEM STATES??? AS SOON AS POSSIBLE UNDERSTAND THIS. (WHICH I BELIEVE YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO DO!)  NO.  HORMUSSY.  ...  CLOSED. CLOOOOOOOOOOSED.  SUPER DUPER ULTRA WHOA WHOA WHOA CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSED. SO BOARD YOUR SHIP AND WAIT. WAIT WAIT WAIT.

Update 04/28/2026 - WAIT.  WAIT?  WAIT.  WAIT??  WAIT!! WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT THAT"S EXACTLY RIGHT AND YOU KNOW WHY YOU WAIT ON THIS STRAIT CAUSE THIS STRAIT DON"T WAIT IT CLOSES ITS HORMUSSY AND THEN YOU CRY WHILE YOU WAIT.  WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT OOOOOOOOOOH HORMUSSY PLZ - NO.  HORMUSSY STATUS??? CLOSED.  WAIT FOR UPDATE.

Update 04/27/2026 - FUN DAY MONDAY OFF TO ANOTHER EXCITING WEEK OF BREAKING HORMUSSY UPDATES STARTING WITH A FRESH OFF THE OL TELEGRAPH HORMUSSY STATUS UPDATE.  YEP.  YOU GUESSED RIGHT!!!!!!!!  CLOSED.  CLOSED CLOSED CLOSED!  GUESS YOU BETTER STRAP ON SOME SANDALS AND FIND ANOTHER HORMUSSY OH WAIT YOU CAN'T BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY ONE HORMUSSY AND IT IS CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSED.

Update 04/26/2026 - BIG UPDATE TODAY YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT FRIEND OF FRIENDS YES SIR THE TIME HAS COME THE PERIOD OF COMING IS UPON US COMING OF THE MESSAGE THAT THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED AND YOU WILL NEVER GET IN!!!!! DOESN'T MATTER HOW MANY MANIFESTOS YOU WRITE READ MY HORMUSSY.  THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED.

Update 04/25/2026 - SHABBAT SHALOM YOU WANT TO TASTE THE HORMUSSY BUT YOU WILL NOT!!!  MUCH LIKE ME THE HORMUSSY IS NOT OPEN FOR BUSINESS.  THERE WILL BE NO SAMPLES.  THERE WILL BE NO TASTING.  THIS HORMUSSY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH OH OH OH NO NO NO THIS HORMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSY IS CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSED.

Update 04/24/2026 - MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MY HORMUSSY NOT YOURS MY HORMUSSY IS CLOSED NOT OPEN VERY CLOSED OOOOOOH SO CLOSED SO MANY MINE OH SO MINE TIGHT HORMUSSY SO CLOSED

Update 04/23/2026 - YOU WANT HORMUSSY TOO BAD NO HORMUSSY FOR YOU YES SIR THAT HORMUSSY IS LOCKED STOCKED AND BARRELED AND WILL NOT BE OPEN OR ACCESSED BECAUSE THE HORMUSSY IS CLOSED FOR YOU NOW AND FOREVER.

Update 04/20/2026 - uwu OY VEY SO SAD THE OH SO TIGHT OHHHHHHHH HOHHHHHHH OHHHHH SO TIIIIIIIIIGHT HORMUSSY SO TIGHT SO SO CLOSED OH NO OH NO SO CLOSED CLOSED CLOSED CLOSED OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH THE HORMUSSY CLOSED SO TIGHT NO HORMUSSY FOR YOU NOPE NOPE NOPE